Crazy 7's!

KANSAS CITY -- The Royals edged the first place Twins, 9-8, in a game which saw 11 combined runs score in the 7th.

The Twins batted around in the 7th, scoring five runs on six hits.  Seven consecutive batters reached.  The Royals bullpen imploded yet again; Steve Mingori allowed all his inherited runs to score, and allowed two extra Twins to reach.  Then Doug Bird, who's had an terrible season (13.39 ERA) three additional hits and a walk.  It was looking grim for the Royals.

But surprise!  The Royals had a 6-run 7th, capped off by Al Cowens bases-clearing double.  A good game, folks.  What a badass nigga Cowens has been this year.

Bullpen caves to scary Twins

KANSAS CITY -- Royals' manager Maty McNeil sat dejectedly near a bucket in a custodian's closet after last game.  He had been drinking.

"I'm a failed manager.  I'm a cocksucking failed manager.  My pen hates me.  What am I doing?"  From just outside the door, an anonymous player handed him a beer.

The Royals had lost another game, this time against Minnesota, 6-4.  Dennis Leonard issued 10 walks in eight innings.

My bullpen's been sucking cock.  Just, fuck it right now.  I'm high  a girl at my school was capped today, my brains been a little messy.  start hitting the ball amos otis, you n█████.

Yankees, Royals split in Royal opener

by Clayton Maxwell

 

KANSAS CITY -- Much like their matchup in last year's ALCS, this two-game series between the Yankees and Royals this week was oh-so-close.

The Yankees, who were undefeated coming into the game, played the Royals to a 1-1 split.  New York took game 1 after weak pitching by Paul Splittorff enabled them to run up a 5-run second inning.  Lou Piniella had two of the Yankees 12 hits and added two crucial RBI's.  The final was 7-4.

In game 2, Royals' starter Andy Hassler pitched a gem.  He threw 8 innings of 5-hit ball, allowing just a single unearned run.  The Royals opened the scoring in the 3rd and 4th and never looked back.  Tom Poquette, who has been on absolute fire the past few days, led off the scoring in the 3rd with an RBI triple, which was followed by a sac fly.  In the fourth, Amos Otis, who had a good game overall (2-for-3, SB), hit a homerun, which was followed up by 3 Royal singles that added another run.

All things considered, it was a tight series that suggests of a long summer battle between the two clubs.

Marijuana rule still in force

The Commissioner of Major League Baseball reminded managers in a private memo on Friday that marijuana use is strictly prohibited during game times. 

"Strat-O and marijuana simply do not mix," Commissioner Bill Scanlon said.  "It's been bad.  We've been seeing scorecards with a medley of errors.  For instance, during a series in San Diego, one manager mistakenly played nine innings with one team, before the home team even got to bat.  It's scandalous, it's a disgrace.  We called him and he said he smoked purple haze before the game."

After problems in past years, Major League commissioned a study in the off-season aimed at understanding the effects of drugs during games. 

"What we've seen is that overall cognition, math, and general strategy improve when a manager is drinking," Human Behaviorial Scientist Wilkins Jennings said.  "There's also a higher incidence of adrenaline released during play.  But with marijuana, we've proven that managers cannot handle more than two calculations at once.  How could a manager then properly add a steal rating + a pitcher's holding rating + a catcher's arm?  He couldn't.  So we've told MLB to ban it.  Also, after 7 beers, a manager's judgment is also reduced.  We've seen managers try to run Paul Konerko on Pudge Rodriguez's arm in 2005.  Nonsense."

We asked Manager Maty McNeil what he thought.  "I try not to smoke during games.  I like to smoke after to remember the victory in happiness."

Royals down Tigers in Opener

by Wilbur Banks

DETROIT -- Al Cowens' two home runs provided the necessary offensive punch to down the lowly Detroit Tigers in the 1977 season opener, 8-3.

The right fielder finished 2-for-4, with two home runs, three runs, and a stolen base to boot.  The Royals as a whole slugged out 15 hits.  John Mayberry and Darrell Porter also added home runs for the club.

The Royals led 4-3 heading into the eighth.  A two-out rally that saw them muster four consecutive base hits put the game out of reach.  Paul Splitorff got the win, going 6 2/3 and allowing two earned runs.  Joe Zdeb got his first major league hit and RBI.

The Tigers, to their credit, knocked out 10 hits and nearly took the game into their own hands in 7th.  With two runs already in and two more on base, Jason Thompson hit a towering fly to right that nearly left the park. 

 

The box score in photo form is below:

 

 

 

On Deck: Opening Day in Detroit

 

by Mickey Stryker

 

The Royals will begin the 1977 season on the road, in Detroit, with a three-game series at Tiger Stadium beginning this Thursday.  The pitching matchup will feature Paul Splitoroff for the Royals (11-8, 3.97 ERA in 1976) and Dave Roberts (16-17, 4.00 ERA in 1976) for the Tigers. 

 

The Tigers finished 5th in the American League East last season.  Centerfielder Ron LeFlore led the team with a .316 average, while rookie first baseman Jason Thompson led with 17 home runs.  Tigers rookie sensation Mark Fidrych had a fine season, winning the Rookie of the Year Award and finishing 2nd for the Cy Young Award.  Fidrych, who is perhaps known best for his strange antics on the field, finished the year with 19 wins.

 

When asked if he was nervous for Thursday's game, Manager Maty McNeil simply said, "No."

 

The Matchups:

 

Thursday : KC - Splitoroff (11-8, 3.97 ERA) vs. DET -Roberts (16-17, 4.00 ERA)

Saturday : KC - Hassler (5-12, 3.61 ERA) vs. DET - Bare (7-8, 4.63 ERA)

Sunday :  KC - Colborn (9-15, 3.71 ERA) vs. DET - Ruhle (9-12, 3.92 ERA)

 

Remember, fans, the Royals love Miller Lite.  Miller Lite, its baseball royalty!

Welcome Back Royals Fans!

by Dave Schumaker

Tired of those winter acid trips that left ya' sitting in a tire swing in your Missouri backyard, utterly stoned, staring at the great blue sky?

Well...

I got great news for ya.  The 1977 Kansas City Royals are back...FOR REDEMPTION!

Forget all your petty cares about your life because baseball beckons again.  That's right, folks, we hope to see you out at Royals Stadium this year for what certainly ought to be a division win.  The New York Yankees bested the Royals in the ALCS 3-games-to-2 last season.  But no worries!  The Yankees simply got the Royals madder than a kicked hornest nest!

Here are our last memories of last season...